what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
