he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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