Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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