i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
