Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
