the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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