shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
high people should be assigned attendants
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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