my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
