the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
