Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
