she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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