I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
