ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
