I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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