Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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