Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
