I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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