he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
