I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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