I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
