I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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