I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
