I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
