Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
