my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
