He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
