hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
MIDGETS
????
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
