im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
