Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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