K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
