wanna go halves on a baby?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
