he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
