you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
