I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
