Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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