he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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