Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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