I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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