Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
