Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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