My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
