hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
