I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
