Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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