Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
