i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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