We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
