I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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