he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
