If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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