I just threw up on my dentist
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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