I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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