I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
