after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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