went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
